Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dragster 3000: Super Salta

I got an email form Matti Nikki yesterday demanding that I subject myself to more of this torment. "Please, please, please," he pleaded, "more salmiyuck stuff already!"

Matti is absolutely right; I have been grossly negligent in maintaining this almanac of Salmiac. But I have good reason: I’ve been on a diet! And if you don’t believe that, I’ve been working too much! And if you don’t believe that, my internet has been broken!

But no matter. It’s once again time for Salmiac, and today’s Salmiac was Dragster 3000 Super Salta. And why Dragster 3000 Super Salta, you probably aren’t asking? Well because that’s what Matti suggested.

“You'll hate them,” he wrote, “you'll hate them real bad. But I think the balance and amount of salt is perfect on them.”

What, me, hate Salmiac? Who would have thought!



As you can tell from the pictures, Dragster 3000 is not lying about being Super Salta. The enlarged image accurately captures the evil-looking texture of this piece of “candy.” It really does look like it could be a little-bitty sugared chocolate donut… or maybe a piece of debris found in a salt truck.
What the pictures do not – nor could never capture – is the taste. Interestingly enough, the Super Salta came on light with almost pleasant licorice flavor. I actually managed to make it through a half-bite of one of the “ring” pieces.

In fact, that first taste emboldened me to try more: I took the “circle” piece (filled with the salty center), placed it on a “ring” piece, and chomped down. While that, too, came on a bit weak, within moments I felt the full fury of all that is Salmiac.

If you didn’t think that you could taste pure pain, then you clearly haven’t had Super Salta. I’ve been scorched by cinnamon, burned by wasabi, scalded by hot peppers… and now assaulted by salt. It was a harrowing experience.

On or about my seventh chew, my gums felt as if they had been corroded by some horribly caustic substance… which, arguably, they had been. My tongue was not spared either and experienced a brutal stabbing sensation. Now I know what it’s like to gargle with sulfuric acid.

Tried as I might, I had to rush to the garbage can to expel this offensive “candy”, literally drawing tears as I ran. It goes without saying that the Dragster 3000 Super Salta is inedible. However, it’s the first (and hopefully one of the last) that also gets the title caustic.

29 comments:

  1. Ah, you still can't appreciate salmiak. Maybe it will come with time.

    Oh, and something related (even if swedish and not finnish ;-): http://www.emptytriangle.com/archive/41

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  2. Hahaha, I just ate a whole bag of those and would've eaten more if I bought more! Brilliant :D

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  3. How can you dislike these? They are among the best candies in existance. "Super Salta" simply means "super salty". They have also have a Dragster 2000 Super Sura ("super sour").

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  4. Not buying the diet excuse. You'd think the best diet candy is the stuff that you can't eat :)

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  5. Dragster 3000 Super Salta is a bland and inoffensive salmiak candy, suitable for pregnant women and people recovering from surgery.

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  6. I can understand why you didn't like them, but now I reaaally gotta go buy some! I love their saltiness but having too much of them makes me a bit sick. So yeah, I'm def gonna have some today, if only I can find them in a store.

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  7. Oh, nice one. That was the best article on Salmiyuck so far. Every sentence is a gem. It cheered me up, thanks!

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  8. Do you know who Matti Nikki is?

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  9. These delightful tastebud massagers <3
    You can only appreciate Draster 3000 when you can handle the saltyness and burning sensation. The balance is so smooth. Sure you need a lot of beverage to keep you from dying from dehydration. Good action movie, these and couple liters of water, perfect.

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  10. Now, do try the vodka so you get the hang of things. And make more of it by blending salmiakki to vodka... Then you get your first degree in salmiakki.

    Second degree you get when you have eaten so much salmiakki that your crap is black.

    Third when your piss is also.

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  11. I love those ♥__♥

    But i'm not shure if those are real salmiac, i think they're more like liqourice covered with salt (it's not the same). Dragsters are Swedish by the way.

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  12. Those dragsters are quite a pale imitation of a real salmiac, they seem to taste more like sugar candy...

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  13. Ah, reading through the latest updates on salmiyuck.com while eating about 10 different salmiakki I bought today - satisfaction guaranteed!

    By the way, you REALLY should give Dracula pills a try! Also, you should try these original version of Fazer's salmiakki -> http://pohjanmaavuonnanolla.fi/blogi/media/fazer_salm_38g_01.gif

    The third one I'd recommend is Malaco's Truly Sunny. They are really smooth!

    That's my personal top 3!

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  14. So I guess that you also hate spicy foods as well, because anything that is hot and spicy seems to get an inedible rating from you.

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  15. Wow, I have to try those. Salmiakki <3

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  16. After all your reviews, I decided to bite the bullet and get some "candy" with some good ol' ammonium chloride. Why did I think this was a good idea? It probably wasn't, but I had to see what all the fuss was about.

    Well... I guess I got off easy, in that the candy was edible. I'm not sure why someone is supposed to enjoy this though. I know that northern European countries rate as among the best to live in. I can only assume that it's in spite of salmiac and not because of it.

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  17. Damn I haven't had my Salmiakki fix in few weeks. I might get some of these tomorrow.

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  18. To compensate the horrible taste of those, please try Fazer salmiakki chocolate next time. At least my foreign friends preferred it over other salmiakki products we fed to them :)

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  19. Oh, Matti Nikki peddles salmiakki too. Foul, most foul.

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  20. The strong caustic flavor in the dragster comes from pure citric acid crystals sprinkled on their surface, not salmiac (ammonium chloride). So they're acidic, not caustic. =)

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  21. "If you didn’t think that you could taste pure pain, then you clearly haven’t had Super Salta."
    I'm at home with hoarse throat but nevertheless I had to scream of laughing with tears in my eyes reading this sentence... but little did I know as the text went further ;))) LOL!!!!
    Wonderful! <3
    But please note something, there is really a difference between "salt lakrits" which is salty liquorice and real salmiak. We prefer real salmiak as the german (Germany, Sweden) prefer this strange salty liquorice. If you try loquorice root, you will learn the taste, it has a strange after taste...
    I think italian people they understand salmiak too, taste their Saila. And the dutch salmiak (especially honey salmiak)is marvellous. Katzenpfoten (I think from Katjes) from Germany is good also, but you can't eat too much of them.
    AND Salmiak is best when it's cold, really cold outside. Otherwise you can't understand the most precious soul of salmiak before you have tasted it in the dark winter morning when it's -15 or -25'Celsius outside, and you are outside too with your salmiak in mouth (your nokia you don't want to take out of the pocket since your hands will freeze and the phone doesn't even function good in so a cold weather ;)
    And did you put salmiak on a plate (wooden) on the window sill inside the sauna? It's heavenly! The hot air intensifies the aroma like in good wines.
    I prefer Halva, Fazer salmiak, sometimes Fisherman's friend salmiak (normally the classic without sugar). All the bubble gums you try if there is written xylitol, it's ment to eat after eating something to prevent the acid attack from meal to teeth, it's a prophylaxis. So it's not ment to be very gummy like Hubba Bubba or other for real chewing, it's kind of cleaning you teeth - a toothbrush, ok?

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  22. What the hell, Im so surpised to found this blog! Absolutely great idea hahah ! And by the way salmiakki oh yummy! I remember how I hated Salmiakki so badly when I was a little kid, but older I have learned to love them! Finnish national candy ;) almost i though...

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  23. I have come to appreciate that superbly amusing thedailywtf.com web of yours. But oh dear god, this salmiak blog has sent me into unbridled, crying, drooling convulsions of flush-faced, breathless laughter - if laughter can indeed be used to describe the sounds... Simply brilliant! Keep up the good work :D

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  24. oh man! Dragsters are the BEST! I just love them!

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  25. So very delicioous. I gotta admit though, that I like the sour fruit flavored dragsters a bit more. :) These taste like anis...

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  26. Eating these now, they are so good :)

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  27. I must reply to this old post. My oldest two daughters do like these, when I gave one of these to both of them, I was sure they will spit it out. But no, they loved it and they ask me, every now and then, to buy more to them.
    Last weekend we ate whole bag together, me and my 8 yrs and 4 yrs girls :) ... These are SO GOOD..

    Damn it, now I need to get shop to get one bag.

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  28. Damn these are good. Eating ATM.

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